A Letter To My 12 Year Old Self

Hey 12 year old Sam,

I think about you often. Not only about your ideals, your naïve outlook on life, but also how you would see me. How proud you would be of me if we ever met. 

I remember back in grade 6 you had no comprehension of the big move you were about to embark on with your family. You had to leave all your friends behind and neglect everything you thought you knew about life, because life in America is VERY different. However, you were lucky to not be in that situation alone, having your twin sister by your side every step of the way. All throughout high school you struggled with fitting in and finding the right group of friends. Don’t worry, as you progressed through your formal education, you placed less importance on trying to fit in and impress people. 

I understand your hopes and aspirations. You believe in creativity, being good to people and trying your best. You think thinking positively can get you through almost anything, as long as you understand your limits. You want to be a Vet and you’ve been convinced your whole life you wanted to be one. I hate to break it to you but thats not the path you are going to take. I cringe at the sight of blood and dead animals. The introverted little Sam that loved animals is still there, but your confidence and love for people grew TREMENDOUSLY and has shifted your career focus to business and the service industry (weird right?).

Your struggle with weight and body image was so hard, and unfortunately you will still face that struggle 8 years down the track. You were bullied for being fat and queer at 12 and now it continues at 21 for being too skinny. It will be tough. Your life is still controlled by insecurities and fear, but your beliefs have evolved. You want to be good to people, but are afraid sometimes you haven’t been. You’re afraid to think positively because you know that somewhere, somehow, something will shut your positivity down. You quite often want the same things as others, but need to remember that comparing your life to others will always make you come up short in the end!

I can proudly say, you will SLOWLY start to care less about you insecurities. While both of us have feared rejection for the majority of our life, I’m starting to embrace it. I’m starting to realise that I will never achieve anything without being rejected. You will have your doubts when you experience the amount of the rejection you are going to face, but I assure you it will all make sense in the end.

At 21, your life has changed A LOT. You have a degree, you’ve worked at Disney World, you have a full time job with one of the largest hotel brands in the world and you have AMAZING friends. You’ve surrounded yourself with people who lift you up. Mum, Dad and Rebecca are all thriving in their careers as well and with their support, you’re finally going after the things you want! I’m happy because I’m trying. I’m learning not to turn down opportunities because I fear I’m not right for the job, or that I will fail. 

Remember that it’s okay to be different and to stand up for what you believe in. It’s okay to take things at your own pace. You have a wonderful, long, and eye-opening road in front of you. 

And as for me? I have plenty of time to make both of us proud.

Good Luck,

Your 21 year old self

P.S. Brace yourself for how sassy you will become, it will be one of your defining qualities 😉 

Staying Motivated When Things Aren’t Going Your Way

Trying to stay motivated when things aren’t going quite the way you planned is quite difficult! Let me re-phrase that, it’s super fucking hard. Problems and heartaches in life are inevitable, It’s natural to get overwhelmed by our struggles and when things aren’t going our way, most of us, me included, have a tendency to complain. In my experience complaining rarely does much to improve the situation and can often make matters worse. You know what it’s like, it’s so tiresome to provide support to someone who shares their problems with you constantly. So I try not to be that person …  A way to combat this feeling is to find the strength to stay positive. I always try to laugh even when it’s hard to. I spend time with other people as much as I can and refrain myself from isolation. I like to give myself space and time to re-energize (I can’t stress how important this is for me).

A way I’ve been trying to combat all this feeling of hopelessness is looking back on my life and some of the things I’ve done and achieved so far and dwell on the good things in my life at this moment and list a good 5 things out. Sounds silly, but I read it actually makes you so much more grateful for the life you have had so far.

  1. I have a wonderful family, I believe I had the best upbringing. My parents are so loving and supportive of me and everything I’ve ever done. Im very close with all my relatives and they give me constant love and support.
  2. I had the opportunity to work for one of the largest most successful companies in the world for 6 months overseas. It resulted in many life lessons, personal growth and life long friendships
  3. I have had the opportunity to travel and see lots of amazing places
  4. I got to live in the Texas for 6 years with my family and attend school there
  5. I have wonderful friends, close or distant, I love them all

Every struggle we encounter is a step forward; it’s all part of life’s journey, giving us the opportunity to learn about ourselves. The way in which we are able to handle what life throws at us, defines our future and who we will become.

 

Why I (And Most Gay Men) Are Single!

(Little disclaimer to all the gays out there, this doesn’t apply to everyone! This is just what I personally have experienced! )

Let me explain,

Mine and every other gay man’s pool of potential partners is A LOT smaller than those of straight people! A lot of straight people are single too, there’s just A LOT more options for straight people to get with other straight people. So talking numbers, the chances of meeting ‘Mr. Right’ are pretty slim.

What I’ve noticed is a lot of gay men are attracted to attractiveness rather than personality and deeper values. We hate to admit it but it’s true. I also noticed it’s common that gay men are not monogamous. There are a lot of gay men who claim to want monogamy, but they can’t even behave monogamously themselves. Bottom line is, if you want monogamy, you have to be monogamous and if you really love someone, being faithful is effortless.

Too many gay men often seek guys who fit their idea of a perfect partner: perfect job, perfect look, perfect friends. STOP RIGHT THERE! You want a guy who loves you for your individual nature, and who might even clash with some aspects of your life, its natural.

Most gay men are alone because they have narrow standards and try to chase after ideas of a perfect man modelled in today’s popular culture. Let’s be honest, the majority of gay men depicted in television shows or on TV in general are pretty good looking and it’s become the standard that every gay man seeks. Personality is then completely overlooked. 

Personally, the experience of growing up gay in a straight world is hard. I often experienced rejection in many ways by the time I became an adult. Whether it was being excluded at school or being rejected by someone I had a crush on. I  have developed defences against my fear of rejection, and those are what keeping me from opening up to other’s.

Let’s be frank. Gay men are and will continue to be extremely superficial and fussy. Which is why I am single!
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