Being Happily Single Makes You A Stronger Person

“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.”  – Osho

This quote really interested me today. It’s quite often interesting that those in relationships and those who are ‘in love’ say that they are stronger than ever because of their partner in life. Is this really the case? I know A LOT of single people, and to be quite honest, they are some of the strongest people I know. I couldn’t agree more with this quote. I see so many couples possess each other and become so dependant on each other that it becomes somewhat of an addiction. I also see people in serious relationships develop the inability to figure out what is important for themselves to accomplish, and work towards achieving higher and higher goals.

The biggest reason being single appeals to me so much is that YOU get to move through all the things YOU want to do in life one by one without ever having to stop and ask another person if they are okay with doing it. I love being pushed out of MY comfort zone in an effort to meet new people, often resulting in trying new things that I never thought I would fall in love with. In a sense, being single allows me to shake things up in my life. 

Every day you live holds the potential of starting an entirely new love story, whether with a partner (or even a new TV show) and you never know when or where yours is going to start. I definitely have learnt to rely on myself, and to be my own support system when I need it (which is a lot haha). Because of all the time you are able to spend working on your other relationships such as friends and family, you realise how essential and affirming all of these connections can be, and how much you need to care for them when you’re back into a relationship again.

Like I said, this quote really got me thinking. It’s okay to be single. If anything it helps us love more. We should never neglect/compromise ourselves for any relationship ever.

kris.jpgDISCLAIMER: this is in no way, shape or form a negative letter to people who have been or are currently in loving/stable relationships. This is just my point of view based off my observations and experience. 

 

Why I (And Most Gay Men) Are Single!

(Little disclaimer to all the gays out there, this doesn’t apply to everyone! This is just what I personally have experienced! )

Let me explain,

Mine and every other gay man’s pool of potential partners is A LOT smaller than those of straight people! A lot of straight people are single too, there’s just A LOT more options for straight people to get with other straight people. So talking numbers, the chances of meeting ‘Mr. Right’ are pretty slim.

What I’ve noticed is a lot of gay men are attracted to attractiveness rather than personality and deeper values. We hate to admit it but it’s true. I also noticed it’s common that gay men are not monogamous. There are a lot of gay men who claim to want monogamy, but they can’t even behave monogamously themselves. Bottom line is, if you want monogamy, you have to be monogamous and if you really love someone, being faithful is effortless.

Too many gay men often seek guys who fit their idea of a perfect partner: perfect job, perfect look, perfect friends. STOP RIGHT THERE! You want a guy who loves you for your individual nature, and who might even clash with some aspects of your life, its natural.

Most gay men are alone because they have narrow standards and try to chase after ideas of a perfect man modelled in today’s popular culture. Let’s be honest, the majority of gay men depicted in television shows or on TV in general are pretty good looking and it’s become the standard that every gay man seeks. Personality is then completely overlooked. 

Personally, the experience of growing up gay in a straight world is hard. I often experienced rejection in many ways by the time I became an adult. Whether it was being excluded at school or being rejected by someone I had a crush on. I  have developed defences against my fear of rejection, and those are what keeping me from opening up to other’s.

Let’s be frank. Gay men are and will continue to be extremely superficial and fussy. Which is why I am single!
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