Being Happily Single Makes You A Stronger Person

“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.”  – Osho

This quote really interested me today. It’s quite often interesting that those in relationships and those who are ‘in love’ say that they are stronger than ever because of their partner in life. Is this really the case? I know A LOT of single people, and to be quite honest, they are some of the strongest people I know. I couldn’t agree more with this quote. I see so many couples possess each other and become so dependant on each other that it becomes somewhat of an addiction. I also see people in serious relationships develop the inability to figure out what is important for themselves to accomplish, and work towards achieving higher and higher goals.

The biggest reason being single appeals to me so much is that YOU get to move through all the things YOU want to do in life one by one without ever having to stop and ask another person if they are okay with doing it. I love being pushed out of MY comfort zone in an effort to meet new people, often resulting in trying new things that I never thought I would fall in love with. In a sense, being single allows me to shake things up in my life. 

Every day you live holds the potential of starting an entirely new love story, whether with a partner (or even a new TV show) and you never know when or where yours is going to start. I definitely have learnt to rely on myself, and to be my own support system when I need it (which is a lot haha). Because of all the time you are able to spend working on your other relationships such as friends and family, you realise how essential and affirming all of these connections can be, and how much you need to care for them when you’re back into a relationship again.

Like I said, this quote really got me thinking. It’s okay to be single. If anything it helps us love more. We should never neglect/compromise ourselves for any relationship ever.

kris.jpgDISCLAIMER: this is in no way, shape or form a negative letter to people who have been or are currently in loving/stable relationships. This is just my point of view based off my observations and experience. 

 

Why I (And Most Gay Men) Are Single!

(Little disclaimer to all the gays out there, this doesn’t apply to everyone! This is just what I personally have experienced! )

Let me explain,

Mine and every other gay man’s pool of potential partners is A LOT smaller than those of straight people! A lot of straight people are single too, there’s just A LOT more options for straight people to get with other straight people. So talking numbers, the chances of meeting ‘Mr. Right’ are pretty slim.

What I’ve noticed is a lot of gay men are attracted to attractiveness rather than personality and deeper values. We hate to admit it but it’s true. I also noticed it’s common that gay men are not monogamous. There are a lot of gay men who claim to want monogamy, but they can’t even behave monogamously themselves. Bottom line is, if you want monogamy, you have to be monogamous and if you really love someone, being faithful is effortless.

Too many gay men often seek guys who fit their idea of a perfect partner: perfect job, perfect look, perfect friends. STOP RIGHT THERE! You want a guy who loves you for your individual nature, and who might even clash with some aspects of your life, its natural.

Most gay men are alone because they have narrow standards and try to chase after ideas of a perfect man modelled in today’s popular culture. Let’s be honest, the majority of gay men depicted in television shows or on TV in general are pretty good looking and it’s become the standard that every gay man seeks. Personality is then completely overlooked. 

Personally, the experience of growing up gay in a straight world is hard. I often experienced rejection in many ways by the time I became an adult. Whether it was being excluded at school or being rejected by someone I had a crush on. I  have developed defences against my fear of rejection, and those are what keeping me from opening up to other’s.

Let’s be frank. Gay men are and will continue to be extremely superficial and fussy. Which is why I am single!
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Dating Apps Have Ruined Dating for Me …

What are your thoughts on dating apps? read mine here ….

I was in bed thinking the other day and I started to think back to what life was like before dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Grindr (a gay hookup app for those of you who don’t know) or even Instagram (yes it’s considered a dating app because you can quite easily slide into anyone’s dm’s).

To be honest with you, I don’t really remember dating without them. It made me realise that our generation has been brought up on these dating apps and we don’t know anything different. Thinking back to when my parents were dating, they didn’t have tinder or smartphones, they met organically. My mum didn’t have to worry about my dad sliding into other girls dm’s or getting on a dating app and swiping to find other girls he might be interested in pursuing. She was only dating him, he was only dating her, and their time spent together eventually blossomed into an beautiful marriage, family etc. much like a fairytale …

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Fast forward to 2017 — I am 21 years old, single and living with my parents. I enjoy my social life and I am 100% satisfied and stable with my current situation. The only thing I seem to be missing is a relationship. I’m not saying that dating apps don’t work, because I know couples who met through them, I’m just saying they have ruined dating for me. Being a young gay boy, I was not able to go to gay clubs and gay bars to meet guys, so the only other viable option was apps where you could connect with other gays. As time went on I realised that it was just full of seedy people who lack your basic social standards and just want to hookup.

Moving on to Tinder, I feel like it has ruined dating as well. With Tinder, we are spoilt with choice and we create imaginary checklists in our heads of the “perfect” guy or girl.

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This feeling of “what if” is created … “what if your soul mate is a few swipes away?”. The “what if” feeling has created a dating culture that all too often leads to countless empty and meaningless interactions. The majority of matches on Tinder usually never lead to a message, or even a real life date, and even if you are messaging someone regularly, they often come to an abrupt stop for no apparent reason. The anonymity of online dating has made “ghosting” an accepted phenomenon. It is perhaps understandable, but nonetheless exhausting and dehumanizing.

Imagine meeting someone in a bar and exchanging words about your passions and interests only to have that person walk off in the middle of the conversation, never to return … annoying right? This would be the real life equivalent of ‘ghosting’. We have learned to treat each other as disposable commodities rather than real people with wants, needs and dreams. It’s sad, and it makes the future of dating for me look pretty bleak if you ask me …

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There’s An App for Everything. Except, Like, Actual Romance.